#9.4 – The Wisdom of Suffering [James 1:1-18]: A Testimony
I got up…
As if for the first time. And the only thing sustaining me was the words of my Lord. “Apart from me you can do Nothing.” His words invoked within me one response: I am Nothing. My existence was put into perspective. The correct perspective. One that we all know theoretically and even acknowledge cognitively, yet in many ways are unable to live out in reality.
Truthfully, I had asked to have this perspective for many years. I had prayed many times, “Lord, I want to know you. I want to know you for who you really are. Show me the truth. Do whatever it takes.”
You see, I understood many of the spiritual concepts in my mind. I had read the bible many times, yet, not much of it was real to me. No amount of study or thought had given me the life that Jesus speaks of. The life that He lived and promised to all those who truly follow him. And to be honest, that irritated me. I went to every type of prayer meeting, and every type of church service. I read all kinds of books and listened to countless sermons. I sang all the songs, and went through all the motions. But none of it gave me the Lord. His life. His peace. His person. I was always left wanting. And it pissed me off. I could not understand why. I followed and did as every other churched Christian did, but none of it worked. None of it gave me the Lord. In fact, it just drew me further away. Like a fleeting desire, that I could see, but never have. It was torture. All the conferences, the programmes, the services, the duties, the 7 step models, etc etc etc. None of it gave me the Lord. It just gave me a bunch of obligations to fulfil and people to please. I had had enough.
And the Lord knew that. Fortunately, He knows me very well. Better than I can ever hope to. And in His great wisdom, He allowed me to try and get to Him on my own. To try and fulfil all the institutional church’s obligations, programmes, and rules. He gave me an opportunity to see the system for what it is. Just another form of Religion. One cloaked with promises of power and prosperity. And some, even cloaked with promises of intimacy with Him. A system designed to control. A system much less obvious than the one the Egyptians used to enslave the Israelites. One designed around ‘serving God.’ One that I will go into more detail about in my next series.
“Abide in ME,” he said. “Not in people or programmes Dylan. Abide in ME, and me alone.”
He had removed everything that I had abided in. Every vocational practice that gave me purpose and meaning. Every weekly church meeting that gave me spiritual routine. Every obligation that ticked off the “serving God and man To-Do-List” in my brain. He had even removed every peer, leader, and boss that facilitated those obligations. Everything. It was all gone. He had taken it all away. And for one magnificent reason. So that I might Abide in Him, and Him alone.
My journey since then, has been discovering what that means. And what a journey it has been. And even though it has been a journey of much suffering, it is one that I thank God for every day. One that I am still only at the beginning of. One that will take an eternity to complete. A journey I would encourage every person to take. For it is a journey into the uncharted depths of knowing Christ as your very life. A journey that I hope to share with you in more depth in my next series.
Till then, may we all abide deeper in Christ, and learn more fully what it means to live by His life, and His life alone.
[I highly recommend the following 45 minute message by Frank Viola. I deeply respect and have learnt much from him over the last year as I have journeyed towards Christ, and wrestled with what it means to live by Him, and Him alone. This message should give you more insight into living by the life of Christ.
Right click on this link Frank Viola - Canada2_2009 and then click "save link as" to download.]
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[...] 9.4 The Wisdom of Suffering [James 1:1-18]: A Testimony (icallyoufriend.com) [...]
You might want to check out “New Man – by Curry r Blake” it fundamentally rocked my world and really impressed in me the New nature we have received from God.
Mark.
I know the teaching you speak of. To be honest, as much as I agree with much of it in principle, I do not believe that Christ is the center of it. Rather, we are. Our new nature. Our abilities. Our son-ship, our responsibilities, and so on. And as much as that is an important revelation to get, I do not think that it should be the basis for life, church, or ministry. I would much prefer to abide in Christ, than in the knowledge of my son-ship, or anything else connected to it.
And although I did walk on the road Curry Blake and many others are on in trying to live by that “new nature,” I did not find Christ. It was tough. There was much power, but not much peace. I quickly become the “man of god” that could heal, give words of knowledge, and prophecy accurately. It puffed my up with much pride and made people dependent on me rather than Christ. And for a long time I was blind to its effects. I was blind to how it all became about me, and my responsibility to walk as a son and do as Christ did. I would constantly beat myself into submission and force myself to heal more people, and get more people saved. It was a life of works. One that made me anxious and restless all the time. One that the Lord in his mercy saved me from. One that I never want to live again.
Since then, I have chosen a different road. One of much less “glory.” One with much less power and reputation. One with much more suffering and weakness in fact. One that leads to Christ. His person rather than his works has become my passion. And man, what peace it has brought me. A peace that truly surpasses understanding. And even though I am only at the beginning of it, this road has already produced much more fruit in me and those around me than any other road ever did. People are experiencing Christ, not me. They are seeing His beauty, His majesty, His love. And that makes me very happy.
For my Lord is worthy of every knee. He is worthy of every eye, every tongue, and every life. For He is so magnificently glorious. The one for whom all things have been made, and in whom all things exist. He is worthy of my weakness. Worthy of my life. Worthy of my death. So, I choose the cross, rather than the miracles. His person, rather than the reputation. His peace, rather than power. So that He might be glorified. So that He might be enthroned. So that He might be in all and through all. So that He might be God.
May His preeminence, His person, and His passions be the drive of our lives. May He be the object of our affection and the motivation of our will. May He, and He alone, become our life. That by which we move, and breathe, and have our being. And may we forsake all other principles, doctrines, drives, and desires and consider to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified.
Bless you my brother
Dylan
Dylan I fully agree with the steps you have taken that lead to life. luv Oupa.I am also on more or less the same journey and I am studying how to be intimate with the Holy Spirit . I have met up with Mel Bond on Sid Roth’s website
Who 1. had to learn to pray with hus whole heart and 2. had to learn to be in close fellowship with the Holy Spirit.Which in turn has led him into the gift of Discernment of Spirits with wonderful results. I have puchased a portable Har drive which has enabled me to record all the testimonieson Sid Roth’s web site I have already seen results in rebuking fever (temperature) in a person and see the temp drop in a matter of minutes together with all pain and discomfort leave.luv Oupa
Oupa
Thank you for your support and prayers. I really appreciate you.
I pray that you will find none other than Jesus Christ in the fullness of His person as you journey on this road. Forsaking all things to know Him in his death and resurrection, so that forever you may live by His life, and His life alone.
I love you
Dylan
Hey Dyl, regarding your comment on Curry Blake teaching…
I don’t know anything about this teaching, but don’t you find it strange that there was “power” but not peace for things done in the name of Christ?
Maybe you need to be careful of throwing out the baby with the bath water? Thessalonians effectively says, “test everything, discard the bad and hold to the good.” The truth is no person or movement has only good and no bad.
Just brief thoughts I thought I’d share – no conclusions on my side.
Pete
Pete
Thanks for you thoughts. I hear you. It was strange that there was much power but not much peace. To be honest, I don’t really understand how that can happen. I don’y know why the Lord would seperate his power from his person.
Curry Blake actually talks about how the power of God is mechanical, not dependent on what someone has done, or even a relationship with God. The [name] of Jesus is what holds the power. It is not dependent on a relationship with Him. I think this is what Jesus talks about when he says that some will come to him proclaiming to have done mighty works in his name, to whom He will respond “I never knew you. Get away from me, you evildoers!’”
It is sad really. That people with hearts beating passionately for God never actually get to know him, or at least, never allow him to get to know them (as your recent post so nicely points out.) Unfortunately, flowing in signs and wonders is not necessarily following Jesus as a true disciple. I walked that road. And I know where it leads. It’s not the truth. It is only in complete surrender to Him where the peace lies. And that is more valuable than any miracle I ever did.
That being said. I hear you regarding throwing out the baby with the bath water. Something I do not intend to do. The Lord gave his church his name, and the power flowing from it for a reason. But, just like a car, or a knife, or even a little needle can be used for evil, if found in the hands of a child, so too is the Lords name. So for now, I recognise my lack of maturity in these things and reserve to know nothing else but Christ and Him crucified. And I will continue to pick up my cross (die to self) and follow him. And if He chooses to teach me to use His name correctly, fantastic! But that will be up to Him, and Him alone.
Bless you my brother
Dyl
PS: Was actually more interested in hearing your thoughts on the actual blog post than the comment…
Ok cool… that sounds good.
I have felt this tension too (not that I have seen more than limited signs and wonders in response to my prayers). I remember being somewhat shocked a few years ago when I went to a Michael Eaton conference for church leaders and he shared how he felt that there was a “miracles cult” developing in parts of the church, where, like you say, people were more interested in seeing signs and wonders than in seeing Jesus. He mentioned guys like Bill Johnson where he said, although he can’t fault the doctrine written in their books, he felt their practice over-emphasised miracles.
But then, no-one has perfect balance. And I think of someone like Martin Luther who God used to refresh the church with the centrality of grace – at times he leant too far in that direction, to the point where he questioned whether James belonged in the Bible because of statements like, “show me your faith by your works”. At the end of the day, we will never be more than jars of clay containing an excellent treasure – and we shouldn’t try to hide our “clayness” from others.
On the other side of the tension, I am reading Luke at the moment and as I read of the miracles of Jesus stirring the spiritual pot of Israel at that time, I say, “Yes Lord, the church – I – we need your power!”.
I suppose this is resolved by keeping Jesus center. Focus on him and he will sometimes direct us to heal the sick and prophecy etc. I also think that compassion is the missing key. Power with compassion is the difference between that knife you mention in the hands of a butcher, not a child. There is a real purpose for the power, beyond sensationalism. But we do have a sensational God, so it is also good to desire to know him more through the experience of his power.
Thanks for your comment on my blog. I commented on it there, but it really refreshed me. And I found I had forgotten about what I had written. It’ll sink in slowly.
Regarding the actual blog post, I was hesitant to comment on it for a few reasons to be honest. First, while I might agree with what you’re saying, I’m not sure of where you’re going with it yet (I see there are more blogs to follow) so I don’t want to comment on it prematurely. I am not sure exactly what you’re referring to at times. I am probably also more sympathetic towards the standard “church stuff” you and I have both experienced. Not that what you say doesn’t make me question it; I do question different things at times and I did again reading what you said. So what do I mean by “sympathetic”? 1) In the true sense of the word, I think I might be more tolerant of the churches failings because I realise it is led by fallible men and I am not exactly living anything greater than they are. But I do question sometimes about what aspect of our Christianity needs a deep spring-cleaning because it can be easy to be deceived (I think of the dead works religion in the time of Luther and the slavery in the time of Wilberforce). 2) I’m sometimes slow to make dramatic judgement calls out of fear that I can be ignorant, immature, unbalanced. This is one of my character traits on many issues and sometimes I should make a call but I don’t. This may make me less useful to God as a Luther-type but more useful as a pillar-type. (Although I know that God is not served by human hands as if he needed anything. When I say useful, I mean, as a tool in the potter’s hand. God fashions the tools – us – and uses them. So he is the primary agent doing the work.)
I will say that, like you expressed you were, I am often frustrated with my spiritual growth and level of intimacy with Christ. Thus far, I’ve typically put that down to a lack of discipline in practicing basic spiritual disciplines, because when I have in the past the frustration has gone.
I think my comment regarding the baby and the bath water may be relevant in this area too. For instance, for me to pray for the sick may lead to a loss of focus on God and pride. But for someone more mature that me, the same act might be done out of humility, compassion and intimacy with Christ. But, weak in my own failure, I can’t stretch my soul or mind to see that the problem is not with the practice, but with the practitioner. So my own immaturity and ignorance is another reason why I was hesitant to comment too much at this stage.
Thanks for sharpening me – I’m grateful to God for our blogging brotherhood.
Pete
Peter
Thank you for your honesty. I respect that. I like the way you look at things. Very balanced. The church needs strong pillars like you. Men that I thank God for putting around me, because I on the other hand, am a bit of an extremist. Sometimes very impulsive. It’s gotten me into loads of trouble… as you can imagine.
– But it has also given me much of Christ and helped me discover much truth. Generally, I only figure out if something is good or bad after I have spent a while in it, testing it for myself. I’m one of those “learn as you fail forward” kinda people. And this journey has been no different.
In many ways I have had to come to terms with and accept the way the Lord as chosen to use me. Even though it means that I am misunderstood and often even rejected because of how unconventional my life and choices may seem. It has been tough, but the recent suffering has really shown me how to live by Christ’s life and not the esteem or acceptance of others. I guess I have understood that my function is necessary. As somewhat of a “stick of dynamite” that opens up the mountain to reveal the gold hidden within it. As you can imagine, it is not pretty, and many people don’t like it, but it is necessary and it gets the job done. A job that once the dust has been cleared and the rubble has been removed, will result in much gold being found.
I fully understand your choice to comment at a later date. I thought as much actually. I realise that what I am sharing cuts against the grain of popular church culture, and thus it will require more than three little posts to paint the picture of the journey the Lord has taken me on and the Land He is taking me to. A journey that He has already taken many others on and is beginning to draw many more into. So my heart is to share my experience with my brothers and sisters, so that they may see a different experience of Christ. One that places all religious crutches and safe-guards aside and places Christ in living colour at the center of it all. One that shows that it truly is possible to live out the desire to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified. One that many in this day and age are longing for. One, in fact, that we were born for.
So, I will try my best to paint a clear picture. By using blog posts, audio messages, book recommendations, and links to other blogs and resources. Anything and everything that will help my brothers and sisters see the road more clearly… A road that leads to Christ!
I pray that many will leave behind everything they have ever known to actually follow Jesus with all of their lives. To put to death all their own desires and pick up their cross in reality, not theory. In Spirit and in Truth. So that in all things, He, Christ, may have the preeminence. So that He, Christ, may have the bride that he deserves. The wife that he has desired from before the beginning of time. And that she will be made gloriously holy, having eyes for only her bridegroom, and living only for Him. By Him, To Him and Through Him. For all eternity and forever…
Bless you my brother. I do also enjoy and thank God for our very real and Christ-centered fellowship.
Dyl
PS: Well said with regards to acts of power being motivated by compassion and being directed by the head. I agree with you fully. I look forward to seeing a body being so totally connected and submitted to Christ the head, that miracles flow effortlessly as the body moves to touch those the Lord has compassion for. A body inseparably connected to Christ. An organic ekklesia that embodies the Lord, and makes him literally visible, fully alive and moving again on the Earth. Oh, what a day that will be!
Wow guys! These are some deep adventures! I really enjoyed reading this blog and the comments. Pete, some wise words my man, I like it. Dyl, I trust the way you seek God. I trust that he has lead you out of “contemporary western organised church” to show you the better way. Your journey has been a real challenge to me to abide in Christ and make him all! I shared what I’m going to say with you before but for the benefit of the blog, I’ll share it here too.
In response to where Christ was leading you, I began to seek God about my own concept of and involvement in church as I knew it. I agreed and still agree wholeheartedly with your evaluation of the church’s condition today, that a large part of it is made up of and built on religious structures that are void of Christ. Honestly before God started taking you on your journey, I had started noticing it in my church and thought that it was unique to my church, but now I realise it is a major “western” church weakness. A lot of it came down to authenticity, what was of God and what was of man. And I believe that Jesus deals with this very issue in Revelation when he speaks to the Laodecian church (Revelation 3): 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.
So I began to seek God about what I was to do, the steps I was to take. I began to prepare myself to hear him say “leave” and then obey him. But he didn’t. Instead I had a dream that I felt was from God. It was a brief dream in which I saw a page of the bible, which I intuitively knew was somewhere in the epistles, and a portion stood out to me. It said “Church is not in the mind of a man, it is the daily responsibility of love.” I couldn’t find this in scripture but as I reflected on this I came to a few conclusions. I felt firstly that God wanted me to stay in “organised” church despite its obvious shortcomings, which I will add I was a part of and have contributed to establishing in my years in church. Maybe God will call me out in the future, but I am convinced that the true bride is made up partly of those in the “organised” church and therefore God has not abandoned them to idolatry but is preparing a plan to save them out of it (and me for that matter because I am in this expression of church).
Another thing that I concluded meditating on this dream was that even though we are aware of faults and shortcomings and idolatry in the church, and if we imagine in our minds a “ideal” church free of all these things, centered around Christ, living off of the substance of Christ and feeding on him alone, what we imagine in our minds, even if it is a true picture, we will never be able to build what we see by trying to “copy it”. The way in which we will come into an authentic experience of being Christ’s body is to love…to love daily with the love of Christ, and without consciously trying to we will shine as the true bride and have Christ in the centre. Not only this, it is to feel the necessity of love, the urgency of it, the responsibility of it. Both to love God and to love others. This is the path, I believe, to God-glorifying and Christ-centered worship and community. So therefore each one of us is on our own journey with Christ. Dylan I believe your journey now is to “fast” organised church and the things that you will learn and Christ will take you through will be invaluable for those of us who are not called out of organised church. We need you. We have the much the same heart (I believe) but the way we work it out is different, and we need to walk together and stengthen one another and love one another radically.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. You are a blessing to me!
Also on the Currie Blake issue, weird but I’ve just recently been listening to him. Some good stuff! Challenging! But also I feel a bit too militant for me. But where I feel that I am taking the good from him is that healing the sick, and displaying the power of God is not an “extra”. I believe Jesus commands us to heal the sick and cast out demons. But I believe that if we start the think that is what the kingdom of God is about mainly, then we become lopsided. I think Heidi Baker is a good example of a balance of power and peace and compassion and I have been greatly inspired by her. Dyl I respect that you are not wanting to be “the man of God”, but I feel that we need die to ourselves and be the “the man of God” to those who do not know God i.e. the lost and the poor and broken. We see this in the apostles. After pentacost, they resembled Jesus, they represented Jesus, they healed all etc. but when people encountered the apostles, they encountered Jesus! There is the danger that we take the glory for ourselves and fail to point to Christ so it is crucial that we die to ourselves so that when we carry the power, we carry his heart and we see it all as “Chirst in us, the hope of glory”. We must not lay down his power for fear of making it about ourselves, for if we do then we are making it about ourselves anyway.
God be blessed!
Love Nic
Nicolas
Thanks so much for this comment. I appreciate your support and understanding.
I guess, I do not have much more to add to what has been said. But what I can say is that I respect the way you sincerely seek God. And the fact that you have done so in the midst of my journey is really honourable and shows a genuine sense of brotherhood.
Not many men would take to heart that which their brother is experiencing and actually sincerely pray into it and seek the Lord about it with them. Not to the degree you have, where you were actually ready to leave institutional church with me. I really believe that you have gone beyond the status quo in loving me, and have in many ways modeled what it means to live as a true family. One that stays together. One that suffers together. One that travels together and makes decisions together. One found in Christ.
And what has made it even more significant is that you have been so far away this year. Only the Lord can make and keep such a tie alive, and for it I am really thankful.
I believe that this is what the Lord desires. A real body of believers. A family that is so connected, that not even physical distance can separate them. A family that lives together by the life of Christ and makes decisions together. One that submits to one another out of love and really lives a shared life together. One that has no individuals, only brothers and sisters. Family members tied together, in Christ. Completely inseparable. Completely transparent. One in which all the members have given up their individuality. One in which only one person’s life is lived. And lived in corporate unison. Christ’s.
Nicolas. You have beating within you the same passion that I have. The same desire to see the Lords house become that which he has envisioned from eternity past. That which He has beating in His heart. That which He has given His life for. And I bless Him for that. I bless the Lord for you my brother. For He has placed Christ within you. And it is only a matter of time before more and more of Him begins bursting from you in living colour.
So I pray that you will find that body in which you where designed to function. That body in which your heart was meant to beat. That body in which your being was made to dance. And I pray that Christ in you will find His expression. Fully and without boundaries. Completely free. Completely pure. And I pray that He will lead you to that place. To that place of peace. That place of eternal rest. That place you were born to dwell forever.
May we find and inhabit it together. May we live in Him forever. Christ, our promised land.
I love you man. And I’m with you. Together in Christ. Forever!
Dylan
PS: So looking forward to your return next year.
Thank you for those sincere and kind words bro. I’m really looking forward to discovering God’s heart for His body and our brotherhood. I am hungry for more of Christ, and I pray that I would be willing to do whatever it takes in order to have more of Him.
I love you too man.
Nic
Indeed