#9 – The Wisdom of Suffering [James 1:1-18]: A Testimony
I will be doing a few posts on my recent experience of suffering. I would like to tell my story to put some realistic perspective to suffering and give you something to relate to. I hope that it will be a blessing to you all.
Last year, in 2010, I went through a very trying time, (hence the theme of this series). It was probably the most challenging time of my entire life. And for a long time there was nothing I could do to change the situation. The Lord had chosen to radically prove me and mold me through suffering. And even though I didn’t understand it all, I had to submit to His ways. There was no other option. The virus was infiltrating my entire life and destroying EVERYTHING that was not built on Christ. It was tough, to say the least. Especially to realise that so much was not build on Christ. In one short period, my entire life as I knew it, everything I had spent years building up, came tumbling down. The virus had truly wiped me out.
It all started when all of a sudden, my job situation began to shake. The company had lost its biggest client, and with that, most of its cash flow. My salary was slashed in half and so was my job security. At times, none of the employees were paid for over a month. And when we were paid, it was half of what it was supposed to be. We ended up in a catch 22 situation where if we left the company we would not have money to live, and no promise of getting the money we were owed. We were all in a bit of a pickle, to say the least.
At the same time, my understanding of church started shaking. I began asking questions about why things are the way they are and why there is no biblical reference for so much of what is done. This was very tough. Many of the church friends that I had could not handle this kind of questioning and found it difficult to relate to me. Much of the foundation upon which my spiritual life was build began to crumble. All of a sudden I found myself very alone in a big and nasty world.
I remember lying in bed one morning asking myself why I should get up. I didn’t have a job, I could not study, because I had no money, I had debt. I felt like I had no purpose, no reason to get up and live. No life. Everything had been taken. And at the same time, I had no more status or respect amongst my church friends. No more cell group to lead, no more mission trips to pursue, no more glory meetings to enjoy, nothing. My whole world had been turned upside down in the space of a few months.
I remember using an illustration to help people understand what I was experiencing. It was like I was in a big house, full of many things. Full of colour and light. Full of life. Every room portrayed a different aspect of my life. There was a room for church, a room for work, a room for study, a room for sports, a room for friends, a room for family, and so on. And I had the freedom to go in and out of every room and enjoy myself there. And then, one day, all of a sudden, literally in one foul swoop, the house blew up, and I found myself alone in a little dark room not able to see anything.
I guess it felt similar maybe to what Joseph might have felt when he also, in one foul swoop lost everything, and found himself alone in a dark dungeon in Egypt. Wondering what had happened to all the dreams and promises he had had. Wondering why God had left him and forsaken him to death. Wondering…
And that is exactly where I found myself. Afraid, alone, and confused. Wondering where it all had gone. Wondering why it was happening. Wondering aimlessly with nothing to hold onto. Just Wondering….
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[...] I have started asking myself over the last while. It is something I have written on briefly in my recent testimony as the Lord began revealing this reality to me. However, I believe that much more could be said [...]
Hectic. Awaiting the next post in anticipation. Keen to hear what you learnt through it and where you still have confusion (if you choose to share it).
Peter.
Thanks mate. I am not confused anymore. Thanks to the Lord. But you will soon see how this journey continued.
Loved your recent post on Jesus washing our feet. It almost seems like it came from a burst of revelation. Very rich. Will make a longer comment on it soon.
Lets keep searching him out together as we let him search us…
Bless you bro. D
I guess we all have these periods in life. Defining moments (although they hardly feel like a moment when they are happening). I almost want to say that these are the things that christians are made of. The fact that we experience them and work through them is what builds us or breaks us. Where our faith is made real, where our beliefs are refined.
On a more positive note. Jason Upton is possibly coming to Cape Town, I sent you an invite on facebook….
Absolutely. I think I agree with you in saying that its the moments of suffering that make us who we are as followers of Christ. Because it is in those moments that we become less and He becomes more. May we as brothers truly create an environment in which suffering and difficulty is ok. Where it is not about being the best christian or looking like you have it all together, but where picking up our cross and following Jesus is what counts. Where we lose our lives to find it. Where Christ in us is becomes our quest, no matter what the cost. And where He takes center stage of all our fellowship. Where we truly become nothing, so that He can truly take his rightful preeminent place as Lord and Christ.
Love you my brother.
D
Dylan after reading your last post I find myself in two minds. Firstly I want to say I am sorry I was not there for you when you went through these tough times but on the other hand I thank God for leading you through this ” valley of death” so to speak because that is one of the most important lessons God wants us to learn before He can use us effectively The fact that without Him we can do nothing. God’s plan w all of us is death to the self life.”Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him (Prov 3:5) and He shall direct your paths. Sometimes we learn the lesson quickly and other times it takes months and even years b4 we get the message all depending on our willingness to listen and submit. I find myself praying often “I agree with what you said Lord Jesus that w/o You I can do nothing. Please Help!! It’s not easy but is very necessary
j
Oupa
Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words.
I do not think the Lord was really allowing anyone to “be there” for me during that time. It was specifically designed to refine me, and me alone with God. So please, do not feel like you have failed me. Your prayers and encouragements have been a great support and exaclty what I have needed. Thank you
I agree with what you are saying Oupa. He wants us to die, so that Christ can live in us. So many Christians unfortunately do not understand that. For a long time I didn’t. But this journey helped me see the truth. And I am so glad that I have. Going through the “valley of death” has been the most transforming time of my entire life. I would not change it for anything. I know Him so much more closely, but more importantly, so much of Dylan has died. And may I continue to die as Christ himself, the ruler and creator of the enitire universe makes his home in me. What a privilege. What a great privilege. I mean, who is man that He should want to live in me? And who am I to refuse him! He is God, and He is worthy!
Love you Oupa
Dylan
Dylan thank you for being so real- very few people can do that.
The way you have shared in all honesty helps me and (I know) alot more people realize that they are not alone when they go through such confusing times, but the grace and providence of God leads us and we learn to trust Him more in such situations.
Here is a little something to encourage you:
Sustaining grace: “Not grace to bar what is not bliss, Nor flight from all distress, but this: The grace that orders our trouble and pain, And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.”
xxCelia~
Thanks Celia
I like the quote. It is very true. The grace of our Lord is so rich in those times of suffering. In some ways, there really is no other way to truly experience it. May we all learn to live by His life and walk by His grace. Whether the times are good, or not so good, is really not the point. Its that we get to be with Him in the midst of it all that counts. That we get to learn and experience a different aspect of His person and get to know Him more richly. That is real life.
Bless you my sister
Dyl